You Know You Read Discworld Books Too Much When:
by BraveMustang
Summary: Just what the title sounds like. Most likely, all of Terry Pratchett's fans have done some of these at one point or another.
1. Chapter 1

You Know You Read Discworld Books Too Much When:

-You see the house of mirrors at your county fair is painted with clowns doing silly things, and think that it's the Fools' Guild Headquarters

-You think clowns are highly suspicious

-While watching NCIS, you think of Gibbs as Vimes and the Director as Vetinari

-When someone asks you what you're reading, your answer is something by Terry Pratchett over half the time

-When you're bored, you start imagining scenes with your favorite characters set wherever you are. (Vetinari grocery shopping, anyone?)

-When your dad says the dog has to go to the vet, you offer to go with just to see if Wuffles is there.

-You persist in calling every small, terrier-like dog you see Wuffles or Gastone.

-You call every big dog that you see Angua

-When running (for whatever reason) you imagine yourself as Rincewind, and this gives you motivation

-You can't read anything without comparing it to Terry Pratchett's works

-Whenever someone's going on and on about how great the Harry Potter books are, you mutter, "The Discworld kick's Hogwarts' butt!"

-Most of your holiday wish list is made up of Discworld books

-You nickname the white horse that your friend is leasing Binky.

-You secretly call the grumpy old lady down the street Granny Weatherwax

-You have secretly nicknamed your friend's nice grandma Nanny Ogg.

-You can spend hours debating which character would beat which in a fight. The possibilities are endless.

-You can't decide whether Granny Weatherwax or Lord Vetinari kicks more butt on a daily basis.

-You start thinking about what would happen if Granny Weatherwax and Lord Vetinari met, then decide it's probably best for everyone on the disc if that never happens.

-You bug your mom constantly to take you to the library to get the books you haven't read yet.

-When your math teacher is being mean, you go to your happy place; the Discworld

-Your ideal job would be assistant to the Librarian of Unseen University

-You imagine what it would be like if Lord Vetinari became President of the USA

-You think everything would be a lot better with him as President

-You wish you had a golem that you could convince to do your homework

-If you ever got a white horse, you would name it Binky


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

AN: Oops, I forgot to say that I own nothing. Mr. Pratchett owns all the characters and places of Discworld, and someone else owns NCIS. I don't. None of these characters is mine. I don't have anything you'd want to sue me for anyways. Please R&R if you have any ideas for another chapter. Anyway, here are some more clues that you might be reading Discworld books too much.

-you wish you were related to one or more of the characters in Discworld

-you annoy your family and friends by quoting the books.

-if asked who your favorite fictional character is, you would name a Discworld character 9 times out of 10 (or, let's be honest, 10 times out of 10)

-whenever you watch Jeopardy, you think that the Discworld characters would be awesome to have on the show. They might not know many of the answers, but boy would it be funny.

-you watch crime shows only long enough to remark that Commander Vimes could do a better job.

-your best friend can quote some of the books she hasn't read because of you.

-you just know that whoever your English teacher is, she's not going to like you.

-because you read under your desk. Discworld novels are just the right size. Plus they can fit in a purse. (the paperback editions, anyways.)

-because all your book reports are going to be on Discworld novels.

-you've actually carried a Terry Pratchett book in your purse (or other small carrying bag)

-you've carried a Terry Pratchett book in your pocket.

-you jump up and down when you find a Discworld book at the library that you haven't read yet.

-you've read every Terry Pratchett book in two libraries. Multiple times.

-when your coach ticks you off, you imagine him and Vetinari trapped in a small room for several minutes.

-then you go into hysterics.

-your coach asks you what you're laughing about.

-you don't dare tell him.

-you pretend that your favorite chestnut horse used to be War's horse, but is now retired.

-you can relate many songs to Discworld characters

-as you read this list you smile and nod.

-your parents are unable to understand your fascination *coughobsessioncough* with these books.

-you don't even try to explain it. They'd have to read the books to get it.

-you know exactly what I'm talking about.

-you start laughing hysterically whenever a commercial for **Downey** fabric softener comes on.

-you think all the Discworld books should be made into movies. Good movies.

-you know they would bring in more money than Harry Potter, or Twilight, or POtC.

-you would go to the midnight showing of the movies

-when you see an old man out jogging one morning, your first thought is that he must be part of the Silver Horde

-when your mom sees a little girl cuddling with her blanket, and says, "Oh, you used to love your Binky," you start choking on your water and laughing.

-you compare the annoying people you know to the Lords and Ladies

-you only say Lords and Ladies, or Gentry, never the E-word

-you know what the E-word is.

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AN: This was really fun, but unless I get more ideas, I don't think a third chapter will be posted. Please, if you know you read Discworld books too much, tell me how you know, and I'll put it in the next chapter. Reviews are welcome; flames will be given to Commander Vimes to light his cigars with.


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